Today, host Lorie Jones welcomes Ellen Frazier—mortgage broker, recovery coach, and founder of Booze Free Babes. Ellen opens up about shifting her perspective from “Why me?” to “Why not me?” and how that simple change empowered her to reinvent herself and help others.
From breaking into the male-dominated financial industry with an art degree to leading a global community focused on sobriety, Ellen’s journey is full of courage, vulnerability, and wisdom. She discusses overcoming personal challenges, embracing authentic self-care, and the importance of surrounding yourself with supportive women.
Tune in for an inspiring conversation that will motivate you to face challenges head-on and remind you that you’re just as worthy of success as anyone else—so why not you?
Show Highlights:
- Bold career pivots, and reinvention with Booze Free Babes. [06:49]
- Substance abuse in the Covid fallout and vulnerability in high-stress jobs. [09:29]
- Subconscious integrative therapy as a path to sobriety and restorative healing. [13:52]
- Challenge career destiny norms and redesign your own. [18:29]
- Can we recognize unhealthy coping early and address the underlying pain? [22:47]
- How to prioritize morning self-care as a woman. [27:18]
- Why young women can and should embrace “a trust fund for adventure.” [30:00]
- Discover the transformational “Why not me?” mindset shift. [32:42]
- The value of ambitious women’s communities and mentorship. [36:29]
- Strong advice for women to thrive, defying gender bias in finance. [38:05]
To connect with Ellen Frazier, visit EllenFrazier.com.
If you enjoyed this episode, please go to Apple Podcasts and leave a review!
For more information about Lorie Jones, go to https://fearlessfinancialadvisors.com/fearless-females.
00:01.57
Lorie Jones
Good morning, fearless females. Thank you so much for joining us today. Today, we’re here with Ellen Frazier. She’s a mortgage broker and a recovery coach. And I’m really excited to hear Ellen’s story. I feel like um she’s got some really, um I don’t know, challenging circumstances that she’s been through in her career and her journey.
00:22.75
Lorie Jones
And I love that she’s going to share the experience, her experience and her wisdom with us. So thank you so much, Ellen, for joining us today. I appreciate that.
00:30.97
Ellen Frazier
Thank you for having me on the Fearless Females podcast. This is such an awesome experience. I’m looking forward to our journey together over the next few minutes.
00:42.54
Lorie Jones
So the very first question I always ask is, I’m a reader. i love any and all suggestions. What is your favorite
00:50.92
Ellen Frazier
Okay, so I have recently read a couple of books and I call it Quitlet. Actually, my friend Whitney kind of coined it as Quitlet, I guess. But um I love Quitlet, like Think Like a Woman, Naked Mind, those two I’ve read recently.
01:05.78
Ellen Frazier
um The book that I’m working on right now is Recovery with Yoga by Brian Hyman. And I’m actually teaching a yoga class around that text. So it’s a lot of it’s a lot of fun. That book is probably my favorite at the moment because I’m fully immersed in it.
01:23.19
Lorie Jones
Oh, I like that. And that’s one that you can like practice while you’re reading, right?
01:26.93
Ellen Frazier
Exactly. And it basically breaks it down to different themes like acceptance or courage or surrender and things like that. So as we’re going through the book, we get to navigate those different themes.
01:38.47
Ellen Frazier
So it’s pretty fun.
01:39.57
Lorie Jones
I like that idea. i have um I have someone that loves yoga. In fact, she’s training to be a yoga instructor. I’m gonna send that suggestion to her. So thank you.
01:50.28
Ellen Frazier
Please do. He’s such a great author and he just puts things into words in a way that we can understand it, you know, very clearly.
01:59.57
Lorie Jones
So tell me a little bit about your journey, Ellen. How did you get started? Where did you get? How did you get where you’re at today? And kind of what do you do? Just tell us a little bit about you.
02:09.00
Ellen Frazier
Okay, I’d love to. So I’m a mortgage broker and I’m recently adorned recovery coach. So I’m super excited about that new piece of my journey. I started out in the mortgage business way back in the early 2000s.
02:24.13
Ellen Frazier
um So I started when I was like 12 years old.
02:28.92
Ellen Frazier
Just kidding.
02:29.15
Lorie Jones
You knew what you wanted to be early.
02:30.99
Ellen Frazier
Right, exactly. So I’ve been doing the mortgage piece of it for quite a while, right? Over 20 years. ah That’s been an exciting roller coaster with all of the changes that we see in the marketplace and in, you know, just our political climate and everything. So I’ve seen a lot of ups and downs over that throughout my 20 year plus career.
02:52.07
Ellen Frazier
but a new thing that I’ve just added is my recovery coaching designation. i received that in February and I’m really excited about the direction that that’s going to take us. we We partnered with Favor Low Country Faces and Voices of Recovery and received the Certified Peer Support Specialist Certification so that I can continue to serve in my community. So I’m really excited about adding that piece to my career choice.
03:20.01
Lorie Jones
So you said you were a mortgage broker since you were 12. Like, is that really, did you go to school to like be a mortgage broker? Is there, is there a degree for that? Like, don’t know. Tell me.
03:29.74
Ellen Frazier
There’s definitely lots of education and continuing education every year, just like you. We have our continuing education that we have to do too. I started out with a bank originally.
03:41.38
Ellen Frazier
And so all of my training was through the bank at that time, which when you’re with a blin bank platform, you don’t require your own independent license. You can leverage their license.
03:52.25
Ellen Frazier
So I didn’t actually get my license going out on my own until 2016, believe it was.
03:59.63
Lorie Jones
Uh-huh.
03:59.80
Ellen Frazier
That’s when i decided to leave the bank environment and go with a retail lender and get fully licensed.
03:59.99
Lorie Jones
Uh-huh.
04:05.69
Ellen Frazier
So even that process has changed, I think, since then. So it’s been exciting, though, getting into it. I was recruited um fairly early out of college and That’s an interesting story, too, because I have an art degree and I was working with a design firm out of Greensboro, North Carolina at the time.
04:26.43
Ellen Frazier
And I was on the local Home Builders Association board. And one of the bankers on that board really liked the way that I packaged our sales packages for builders.
04:38.81
Ellen Frazier
And so he was like, you know, you’re really good at this and you’ve got great enthusiasm.
04:38.96
Lorie Jones
Mm-hmm.
04:41.85
Ellen Frazier
I think he’d be great at mortgages. I have to say, when he said that, I was like, why would I be great at mortgages? I’m having so much fun playing with all this art and colors and textures and different things. That’s really what my degree was based upon and background was in, right?
04:59.03
Ellen Frazier
And so I, you know how it goes. One day I just got fed up at my job and I was like, you know what? I’m going to call that guy and see what mortgage is all about. And I’m glad I made that call because it’s definitely been such a huge part of my life ever since.
05:13.21
Lorie Jones
Mm hmm. That’s so interesting because mortgage broker and art ah really are like diametrically opposed. There’s like art is creative and all that sort of stuff. And mortgage broker is numbers and, and, you know, all the things that I love, those spreadsheets, stuff like that. So that’s, that’s really interesting that he saw that in you and that, and that not only did he see you see it in you, but you like, you continue down that path for years and years and years.
05:42.00
Ellen Frazier
You know, I think that what has allowed me to continue to lean into both sides, numbers and creativity, is probably the Booze Free Babes community that we’ve recently built within the past couple of years.
05:54.28
Ellen Frazier
That allows me to play into my creativity, to build that community and to lean on those women. And then we get to have so much fun doing all kinds of creative events.
06:05.73
Ellen Frazier
And that fuels me, right? Like we have to still have that creative outlet that fuels us.
06:07.96
Lorie Jones
yeah
06:11.54
Ellen Frazier
So that portion fuels me.
06:11.49
Lorie Jones
Yeah.
06:13.77
Ellen Frazier
And then, you know, I can, I’m all filled up when I go to work as a mortgage broker in the morning because of all the fun, yummy stuff we get to do with the babes.
06:21.95
Lorie Jones
I see that. Like you, sometimes you, you can’t put every every every piece of you into your career because there just isn’t enough space for it maybe. But if you find a passion like my fearless females.
06:37.00
Lorie Jones
You know, I found a passion that kind of um connects with that and and allows me that creativity in order to express myself.
06:37.72
Ellen Frazier
All right.
06:45.23
Lorie Jones
I love that idea. And what got you into the recovery? How come you got licensed as a recovery coach? Like what, what drove that?
06:54.21
Ellen Frazier
I will say that, you know, being a mortgage broker and being in that line of work, and I don’t know if you’ve seen something similarly with financial advisors, but it is a high stress position and there is a lot of substance use disorder within that industry.
07:13.46
Lorie Jones
Mm-hmm.
07:13.52
Ellen Frazier
And so i too had leaned in into some unhealthy behaviors. And when the pandemic hit, I think that’s when it really came to head. You know, we’re working at home, we’re working at home with our spouses.
07:27.99
Ellen Frazier
A lot of us were homeschooling at the same time that we’re trying to keep our, you know, careers going. And we’re all in this digital environment where we’re you know, siphoning all the Wi-Fi and bandwidth and, you know, we had to upgrade all of that.
07:42.60
Ellen Frazier
So it was a really stressful time for all of us. Right. Like I i think we all shared in that collective stress. And so I leaned heavily into maybe less supportive behaviors during that timeframe too. So around 21, 22, that’s when I started my sober curious journey.
08:00.28
Ellen Frazier
And then I committed to full sobriety at the end of 22.
08:00.43
Lorie Jones
Mm-hmm.
08:02.68
Ellen Frazier
I committed to living a life completely without alcohol and abstaining from that. you and that And I’ve continued that journey. on into today. So I’m in actually my third year of sobriety.
08:14.89
Ellen Frazier
And that has brought so much growth personally first, which obviously impacted my professional career.
08:27.11
Ellen Frazier
And I’m so much more excited about my career today because of that sober journey. I feel like leaning into that journey has allowed me to lean into my life more, if that makes sense.
08:44.16
Lorie Jones
Oh, yeah, that makes it does make sense because you’re fully engaged in it. You’re not um you know, trying to do too much and using, like you said, sometimes unhealthy coping mechanisms in order to get all that you you feel like you need to do done. Right.
08:59.47
Ellen Frazier
I love how you said that I’m just leaning into my life more. That’s right. I’m being fully present in my life. And that is so much fun and so exciting. And so if anybody listening to this, here’s that part of the message. It’s so worth it.
09:17.19
Lorie Jones
I love it. So what is the best investment you’ve made in your yourself? If you could look over your whole journey, like what is the best thing you’ve done um that if you you could go back and look at it, you’re like, oh my gosh, I’m so glad I did that.
09:31.64
Ellen Frazier
subconscious integrative therapy.
09:33.67
Lorie Jones
Okay. Talk to me about that.
09:34.46
Ellen Frazier
I know the answer to that right off the top of my head. Subconscious integrative therapy.
09:38.32
Lorie Jones
All right.
09:39.94
Ellen Frazier
i had I was listening to a podcast during the pandemic and it was a podcast of a business referral partner. And so I was really leaning into what they were saying. And if you remember, it seems like podcasts really took off during the pandemic because everybody had this extra you know time and bandwidth. They wanted to just listen and be outside of themselves, I guess.
10:02.19
Ellen Frazier
So we, I listened to that podcast and I heard who is now my therapist.
10:02.15
Lorie Jones
Yeah.
10:07.72
Ellen Frazier
I heard her on the podcast, Ellie Richter shout out. Anyway, um I had called the host of the podcast. I reached out to her and I said, i didn’t quite catch the contact information on the episode. Can you please share that with me? Who was that that you were interviewing?
10:27.59
Ellen Frazier
She had sent me the information and it still took me probably nine months to actually make the call.
10:33.76
Lorie Jones
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
10:34.02
Ellen Frazier
I knew that I needed something different in my life. I knew I needed a shift. I knew I needed change. And we’re all experiencing a global pandemic together. We probably all felt like we needed some sort of change in our lives, right?
10:49.73
Ellen Frazier
Because there had been so much disruption. And so I had made the phone call. And in that first call, I knew that that was the right thing. methodology or practice for me, right?
11:03.39
Ellen Frazier
Like I knew that that was going to be the part of the healing journey that I needed the most.
11:03.35
Lorie Jones
Mm-hmm.
11:07.02
Ellen Frazier
And so I still work with her today. We’ve been working together now for, well, I guess we’re in our fourth year now of working together and it’s great. She’s, she’s my touchstone. She’s my sounding board.
11:20.37
Ellen Frazier
You know, i feel like when you engage in subconscious integrative therapy, what happens is you reprogram those beliefs that you have that maybe are not so supportive.
11:33.29
Ellen Frazier
So for example, I’m not worthy.
11:34.74
Lorie Jones
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
11:35.67
Ellen Frazier
That may be a belief that I have. Well, let’s shift that and replace it with the belief that I am worthy. I am valuable, right? And once you do that, you see that belief play out throughout your entire life.
11:51.48
Ellen Frazier
So for example, if we made a shift around a traumatic experience that I had in my teenage years, it’s interesting how the way that you think and feel about that experience plays out at the age of 15, 20, 30, 40, and so on.
12:09.94
Ellen Frazier
So the way that I feel or think about an event also changes throughout the different milestones in my life. And so then you start to see this beautiful ripple effect happen.
12:22.08
Ellen Frazier
throughout your entire life. That’s the beauty of subconscious integrative therapy, and I highly recommend it for everyone.
12:29.07
Lorie Jones
it sounds like it would be a really interesting um younger because then do you take those like those experiences you’ve had and it changes the way that you react to them, like through your thirties and forties and fifties. And.
12:45.02
Ellen Frazier
Exactly. That’s exactly it.
12:46.84
Lorie Jones
Well.
12:46.94
Ellen Frazier
That reflex muscle has been exercised, right? And so now it can work in a different way. And so i feel like what happens is that we have peace and non-attachment to the event, whatever traumatic event it was.
12:54.18
Lorie Jones
hmm.
13:02.03
Ellen Frazier
And then when you have peace and non-attachment, see how that plays out in the rest of your life. It’s really quite beautiful.
13:07.87
Lorie Jones
Oh, that’s cool. And, and I do, i I was really resonating with what you were saying about like being in the middle of the pandemic. We were all kind of put, I am an introvert.
13:18.83
Lorie Jones
I’m actually not extroverted at all. And it was so much self-reflection and thinking for me. I’m like, I need people. It just, you really do. You get even an introvert, you know, you get kind of lonely and like,
13:33.39
Lorie Jones
Like, yeah and you have a whole lot of time to think about your life. Think about what you’re doing with your life and what you want to be doing with your life. And are you doing enough? And then on top of that, you’ve got, yeah you’re working with this your spouse. In fact, i had, i have five kids and they were all home during the pandemic.
13:52.37
Lorie Jones
I had everyone doing school or work in a different room in the house. And, um, You know, like just getting down to the kitchen to get food was like thing. So so I see what you’re talking about. Like, that’s a place where you can really start thinking about am I, you know, it it feels both chaotic.
14:14.87
Lorie Jones
And simple in terms of trying to decide what you want to do next.
14:21.29
Ellen Frazier
You know, also too, i think during the pandemic, because we had that time on our hands, it was an opportunity to look at things differently. And during that timeframe, being in mortgage, as you probably know, our interest rates were like historically low, right? So we were exploding with business, which is a beautiful thing.
14:42.49
Ellen Frazier
My husband’s a realtor, so we work a lot together, but that extra work on top of that extra stress isn’t always the perfect recipe, right?
14:52.96
Ellen Frazier
And so during that time frame, leaning into those unhealthy behaviors and shining a spotlight on it because we could because of COVID, that’s really the, um I guess, tipping point that I needed, right, to be able to choose something differently for myself.
15:11.75
Lorie Jones
yeah i like that i like that thought
15:13.09
Ellen Frazier
And there’s great courage in that, right? There’s great courage. And I think that’s really the purpose of your podcast, Fearless Females. Like we want to talk about or speak to that courage because it does take great courage to one, recognize a behavior within ourselves that maybe we’re not that crazy about. Like, why do I show up this way? Why do I react that way?
15:33.72
Ellen Frazier
You know, it’s really beneficial to just take pause and ask that question. Why do we do that? Why do we react that way? And then lean into the answer. That’s where, That’s where the real work happens.
15:44.87
Lorie Jones
Yeah, that’s where the fearless part comes in, where the part where you’re like, I’m scared.
15:47.07
Ellen Frazier
Right.
15:48.63
Lorie Jones
Can I really do this? Can I really change? Can i but I want to try. I’m going to try. Yeah, I love that. Ellen, what is the worst advice someone gave you? Have you ever gotten really bad advice and did you take it
16:03.13
Ellen Frazier
Wow. um You know, i was nervous about this question because, of course, you know, I want to stand in my power and say that every life experience that I’ve had has brought me to this point, whether it was great advice or bad advice.
16:20.57
Ellen Frazier
What I would say though, to the listener as a young budding fearless female, what I would say is when it comes to your career,
16:33.32
Ellen Frazier
Be very mindful about the direction that you want it to take and what you want that to look like. I feel like there have been times in my career, and especially as a female in the financial industry, which is, i think that we’re seeing a huge spike in women now, like coming into the roles of leadership, but that wasn’t always the case for us in our, maybe when our career started, right?
16:45.49
Lorie Jones
Mm-hmm.
17:00.03
Ellen Frazier
so My advice would be, or i would just say, choose your own path and find your path to greatness as quickly as you possibly can and lean heavily in your zone of genius.
17:14.94
Ellen Frazier
um The reason why I say that is because in my career, I’ve probably been given advice that took me down a path that maybe wasn’t, that I didn’t really need to go. and don’t know if I needed to make that left-hand turn to management and then
17:25.25
Lorie Jones
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
17:28.71
Ellen Frazier
you know, a non-producing manager where I turned away my clients. You know what I mean? That was, I did take on a management position one time, a leadership role that did require me to become ah non-producing manager. And so I had to turn over my book of business.
17:43.69
Ellen Frazier
And that was something that, as you know, turning over your book of business is like turning over your livelihood. And so, you know, ever since leaving that business, position, I’ve had to really, you know, work on growing that B.O.B. back.
18:00.20
Ellen Frazier
And that is challenging as we all know, right? Growing that secure book of business and securing that book of business. So my suggestion would be think it all the way through and think it several years into the future, right?
18:14.22
Lorie Jones
Mm-hmm.
18:14.98
Ellen Frazier
Like if I take this new role, this new position today, what is that leading me to in the future? Is this a temporary stop or is this the end of the road?
18:26.04
Ellen Frazier
Right. And a lot of times I made moves thinking it was going to be the final stop. And now that I look back, I was just settling. So my biggest advice would be don’t settle.
18:40.99
Ellen Frazier
Keep going and keep pushing yourself forward. I don’t know if that really answers the question, but I think that it it alludes to the mistakes that I’ve made and how maybe someone could not make the same mistake.
18:49.18
Lorie Jones
yeah Yeah, exactly. And I like the way that you kind of phrase that to just sort of like think,
19:03.79
Lorie Jones
about what your future looks like before you make some of those decisions, because what’s best for you today, right now in this moment may not be best for three years down the road. And, and maybe get some advice from, but you know, like I always tell my daughter, I’m like, if you think she wants to go into psychology and I’m like, if you think you want to work with kids, like go talk to someone who actually does what you’re doing and see ah you know, what, what advice they’d have for you. So I like that idea of kind of like looking into the future, maybe getting a little bit of, ah flavor around what your futures could look like so that you can make a really good decision.
19:47.14
Ellen Frazier
And I think it’s always important to have an eye on that next step.
19:50.81
Lorie Jones
Hmm.
19:51.20
Ellen Frazier
What does it look like after this?
19:53.00
Lorie Jones
ah here Yeah. Yeah, it does. I probably live too much in the future and not enough in the present.
20:01.14
Lorie Jones
What about a situation in your life as you kind of look back over your journey and your career? Is there a situation that you’re like, oh, if I knew then what I know now, i would have done that differently.
20:13.54
Lorie Jones
Obviously, if we knew the same things, we would just probably do it the same way. But what if you had the benefit of the knowledge that you’ve got today? Would you go back and and change a situation and do it differently?
20:25.43
Ellen Frazier
You know, again, i have to lean on the fact that I wouldn’t want to change anything because it would not bring me to where I am today. And I know that the challenges that I faced in my career and over my life’s journey are definitely what led me to create Booze Free Babes and ah brought me to this point.
20:40.60
Ellen Frazier
So to say that I would change something would would say that I would change what I’m doing now. And I wouldn’t. However, i do have a perspective.
20:48.19
Lorie Jones
Mm-hmm.
20:51.24
Ellen Frazier
had I chosen… chosen healthier alternatives to soothe, like for self soothing, if I had chosen healthier alternatives, that may had given me a much easier life, right?
21:09.42
Ellen Frazier
Choosing to continue to drink after college, I feel like is where, you know, if there was one thing that I would have shifted, it would have been that behavior.
21:19.96
Ellen Frazier
And so being courageous enough to identify those behaviors early on and do something about it, that would be my recommendation.
21:33.31
Ellen Frazier
I don’t know if I was equipped With the tools then. Right. Well, obviously. Right. I mean, we’re not equipped until we are. And so if there’s something that you feel like within yourself that doesn’t align or doesn’t fit or doesn’t match your career path, vision, dream, whatever.
21:51.79
Ellen Frazier
Don’t be afraid to look at that now, because if you can grab a hold of that sooner, then it’s just going to help you propel further on your on your path.
21:59.39
Lorie Jones
Yeah, that’s interesting. I wonder if you could have caught it sooner, though. I mean, like, like you said, like, it’s really hard to go back and, and tell yourself, hey, well, it’s hard.
22:16.67
Lorie Jones
it’s hard to go back and just tell yourself that this, this, this isn’t serving you. So how, how would you have caught it sooner?
22:25.52
Ellen Frazier
You know, honestly, i think that the real question is, I love it when Gabor Matei, I don’t know if you follow him, but he has this quote, why the pain? Right. We have to ask ourselves why the pain like the choosing to lean into a behavior like alcohol.
22:41.32
Ellen Frazier
That is the solution. A lot of us find that that is the solution to the pain. Right. And so we have to address the pain.
22:46.54
Lorie Jones
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
22:48.35
Ellen Frazier
And I just don’t think that I had a clear pathway on how to do that until I did. And so, you know, when. I was in my 20s, it’s not like a lot of people spoke openly about therapy and going to therapy and continuing that in their journey. I think it’s so much more well received today.
23:10.71
Ellen Frazier
and also, dear dare I say this, but but women seem that they just have to have it all figured out and have their stuff together, right? Because we’re carrying the household, we’re carrying, you know, whatever we’re carrying, the kids, whatever, we’re carrying a lot. And so is there really room and time for us to care for ourselves too? The answer to that is yes, now I can look back and say that, but not at the moment.
23:34.48
Ellen Frazier
In the moment, right, we’re just dealing with what’s right in front of us.
23:34.58
Lorie Jones
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
23:38.63
Ellen Frazier
So I think there’s a narrative shift too in our culture that we have to fill up our cups before we can give for anyone else. And maybe that’s a shift that we see going forward. But if anything,
23:50.48
Ellen Frazier
lean into yourself and make sure yourself is good before you try to lean into anyone else. Because even today, noticed that my patients wear thin when I’m not taking care of myself.
23:56.60
Lorie Jones
and
24:03.86
Ellen Frazier
And so the The quickest way for me to kind of snap out of it is when I switch into, I call her Bitter Betty. When I flip into Bitter Betty, that’s when I know, okay, all right, let me pump the brakes.
24:12.85
Lorie Jones
Bye.
24:16.91
Ellen Frazier
I need to figure out where I’m not taking care of myself in another area.
24:21.72
Lorie Jones
Yeah. Oh, I love that. and And I think it’s so important for women. We do wear so many hats and we do so much. and um And I think that idea of i i think that the the women that I’ve had on my podcast and have have talked through their journeys, the ones that are probably the happiest and the most fulfilled are those that take deliberate time to fill their own cup, to to work on those things that um Or to or to give themselves that gift of of being um free to take care of themselves, of not of not you know worrying about other people’s needs before they’ve worried about their own.
25:03.39
Lorie Jones
do Do you see that?
25:05.42
Ellen Frazier
I agree. And even if that means like I get it, like we all have busy schedules, especially in the morning. We’re getting kids ready to go to school or whatever that might look like in your household with five kids. I’m sure it’s quite busy.
25:17.01
Ellen Frazier
So does that look like maybe we wake up 30 minutes earlier so we can just have that quiet time that we so desperately need to just connect, check in.
25:28.26
Ellen Frazier
Maybe that looks like, okay, I can’t squeeze in my workout. Do I need to wake up 30 minutes earlier? Now, listen, I get it. Today is the first day of daylight savings. So anybody waking up early today was not happening.
25:40.48
Ellen Frazier
I’m also guilty.
25:40.95
Lorie Jones
Mm-hmm.
25:42.09
Ellen Frazier
I hear it. But as we ease into the new daylight savings time and this, and sorry, I know that’s not evergreen content, but, you know, as we lean into daylight savings time And we identify where do we need a little bit more expansiveness in our day?
25:50.53
Lorie Jones
and
25:58.65
Ellen Frazier
Maybe that looks like waking up 30 minutes or an hour earlier, just so you get to start your day in a calm, peaceful way that gives you the bandwidth that you need to carry out the rest of the day.
26:11.25
Lorie Jones
Yeah.
26:11.44
Ellen Frazier
Go ahead and connect and be dialed in before the kids get up and start screaming for breakfast or before you have to wake them up. Right. Allow yourself that those few minutes in the morning.
26:19.77
Lorie Jones
yeah
26:22.23
Ellen Frazier
I think it makes a huge difference.
26:23.98
Lorie Jones
Yeah. And I think giving yourself permission to seek out alternative, you know, like ah counseling or therapy or um yoga classes or something, whatever fills your bucket, um giving yourself permission and time to really engage in those activities to make yourself whole.
26:43.86
Lorie Jones
I love that idea, Ellen. Thank you for bringing that up. That’s super smart.
26:48.04
Ellen Frazier
Thank you. Thank you. I do practice yoga often. And if I could do it every day, I absolutely would do it every day. I pretty much do it every day, but sometimes I need a break. But yoga is definitely a huge piece of this journey for me.
27:01.61
Ellen Frazier
I think if I. um By leaning into yoga and the principles of yoga and that philosophy, it’s helped me identify some of these pockets of time in my life where I could lean into self-soothing behaviors that allow me to to show up fully in other areas of my life when I need to.
27:22.27
Lorie Jones
Yeah. And that’s the other side of that. um Taking time to care for yourself allows you more be more Um, you know, in your life, because you’ve taken, you filled your own bucket first, and then you can show up for other people as well. I like that.
27:38.79
Lorie Jones
What, um, what about if you could go back and talk to yourself at the beginning of this journey 19, 20, 21, would you tell yourself, ellen
27:48.09
Ellen Frazier
I’m so glad that you brought this up because I was chatting with a friend literally yesterday and we were talking about this exact same thing. I had an opportunity to go to Europe when I was 19 and I actually did not take that opportunity because I was scared to travel internationally by myself, study abroad.
28:09.18
Ellen Frazier
I was just really scared to do all of that. Right. And i often look back now that I do have a lot more international connections and I travel abroad a lot more often now in my adult life.
28:21.40
Ellen Frazier
I look back and I wonder what would have been different had I leaned into that experience And so my biggest advice for anyone that’s like a young adult, you’re out on your own or maybe you’re in college or you’re experiencing those things, take it all in.
28:40.56
Ellen Frazier
find a way. There is a friend of mine that says she has a trust fund for adventure and she always trusts that the funds will appear for her next adventure.
28:54.79
Ellen Frazier
Now, I’m sure she has different strategies and how she does that, but isn’t it interesting, like whatever you focus on expands. So if there’s something That is like, wow, I wish I had the courage to do that.
29:09.46
Ellen Frazier
Just do it. Take the leap. don’t be ah Don’t be afraid. Just do the damn thing, whatever it is.
29:17.99
Lorie Jones
yeah
29:19.59
Ellen Frazier
Just do it.
29:21.17
Lorie Jones
I love that. I love that. Yeah. i And that’s the time to be a little bit fearless, isn’t it? When you’re young and you like, what’s the worst that’s going to happen? You have to, you know, work at McDonald’s for a little while to replenish your bank account, right? Yeah.
29:35.76
Ellen Frazier
You know, i was thinking about this literally yesterday as thinking about that missed opportunity to go to Europe. And it’s just so funny because now, of course, you know, we’ve got mortgages, we’ve got responsibilities. I had coffee, the girlfriend that I had coffee with yesterday, having this exact same conversation.
29:53.84
Ellen Frazier
Her son, similarly, i was like, you know, just do it. He has no responsibilities right now. He has no mortgage payment. and i don’t even think he had a car payment. I’m like, this is the time. You’re not going to get any other opportunity in your life when you have less attachments.
30:10.19
Ellen Frazier
Just do it.
30:10.34
Lorie Jones
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love that. I actually encouraged my youngest um graduated high school and went to Costa Rica to teach English for four, four months, four and a half months.
30:22.27
Lorie Jones
She wanted a bit of an adventure and I’m like, oh yeah, I’m said, take advantage, do it.
30:26.40
Ellen Frazier
So cool.
30:27.69
Lorie Jones
Yeah.
30:27.81
Ellen Frazier
That is so cool. Awesome.
30:30.21
Lorie Jones
um What scared you the most when you started down this journey and does it still scare you or did you figure out how to deal with it? Talk to me about that.
30:40.99
Ellen Frazier
I saw a post from a friend of mine this morning and and she was talking about this mantra, why not me? And I feel like it’s very fitting for this question.
30:52.35
Lorie Jones
Mm-hmm.
30:54.21
Ellen Frazier
When we reach a certain stage of of our development or emotional growth, I would say that there’s a flip that happens, right? That flip of why me to why not me?
31:09.57
Ellen Frazier
And that’s a beautiful place to be in because all of the possibilities in the world, remember when you were a kid and your parents were like, you could be anything that you want to be.
31:20.51
Ellen Frazier
They would tell us that, but they didn’t have the roadmap, right? Like you could be president of the United States if you wanted to be, but how do we get there? What’s that roadmap look like?
31:30.81
Lorie Jones
Mm-hmm.
31:31.02
Ellen Frazier
Right? So ah think when we can get to a place that we are confident enough within ourselves that we can say, why not me?
31:45.28
Ellen Frazier
We open ourselves up to the possibilities. And When I got sober, that was a very real conversation.
31:58.02
Ellen Frazier
Could I even do that? Could I commit to a life where I’m not leaning into these other vices? And then it was like, why not me?
32:08.21
Ellen Frazier
Other people do it. I see other people being successful in the sober space. I’m sure I could be successful too.
32:15.54
Lorie Jones
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
32:16.14
Ellen Frazier
And so when we flip that narrative of, you know, instead of why me, why why why, why, why, whatever, and flip it to why not me, then we really open ourselves up to all the possibilities.
32:28.09
Ellen Frazier
And so I would like to just encourage anyone to just kind of ruminate on those three words for a minute, why not me, and think about what could change.
32:41.34
Ellen Frazier
And so when I started the Booze Free Babes community, It grew overnight. it was during It was right before dry January and we just took off.
32:51.78
Ellen Frazier
And I was not prepared for that response.
32:54.06
Lorie Jones
but
32:54.26
Ellen Frazier
We started out as a very small Facebook group for a local community. And you hit one dry January and we exploded to the global stage.
33:04.92
Lorie Jones
Oh wow.
33:06.13
Ellen Frazier
he Right. And so I was like, I had no idea that this was going to happen. And I did not know what to do with it. And then ah had to shift my thinking on it.
33:17.64
Ellen Frazier
Like, okay, we’ve got something here. We really have something. And this is something I really want to lean into, but I have no idea what to do with it. And I still don’t know some days, right? But we’re we’re doing something.
33:29.27
Ellen Frazier
And that why not me really kicked in because why not me? Why can’t I have a successful podcast? Why couldn’t I have a successful community? Why why not have a membership based group coaching program?
33:46.96
Ellen Frazier
We can do all of these things and I can still have my business too. So why not me?
33:54.39
Lorie Jones
I love that. I really do like that theory. Like, why not me? Because as you, you know, as I have interviewed several different women, they’re all very successful and, and interesting, and they’ve all had their own challenges. And, and you do tend to look at though, and and look at that and say, she did it.
34:13.72
Lorie Jones
How come I couldn’t? Why not me? I love that. You know, like, like, does she, does she know, does she have a special superpower that I don’t have? Or could I do what she did if I, if I were willing to give it that effort? So I i love that, Ellen. I love that. I’m going to put that somewhere in my office.
34:31.76
Ellen Frazier
I got to add one more thing to that because I’m a member of a female entrepreneur group called the Dames and that group of women showed me what was possible, right?
34:44.70
Ellen Frazier
Because if I didn’t see other women mentors, then I would never know.
34:50.39
Lorie Jones
Mm-hmm.
34:52.19
Ellen Frazier
and so I’m not, you know, I’m not trying to promote that. I’m just saying, find women that are doing it and, Lean into those friendships.
35:03.94
Ellen Frazier
If you’re in a room where every single female is complaining and moaning and not reaching their goals, change rooms.
35:15.84
Ellen Frazier
When you change rooms, I promise you your life changes too.
35:21.05
Lorie Jones
Yeah. In fact, um Megan, the head of the dames is scheduled um not too long from now as our as one of our podcast guests. So and ah yeah, yeah.
35:29.81
Ellen Frazier
Oh, great. That’s so great.
35:32.59
Lorie Jones
yeah And I do love that idea of like finding like minded, finding your tribe, you know, wherever your tribe is. But those people that make you want to do better, be better, try harder.
35:43.36
Lorie Jones
um Those ones that give you the example and the mentorship of what could you do? What is possible? Yeah. And then ask that question. Why not me? She can’t.
35:52.25
Ellen Frazier
Right.
35:52.55
Lorie Jones
Why not me?
35:53.69
Ellen Frazier
Right. Exactly.
35:55.50
Lorie Jones
What about unique challenges? Did you face any unique challenges because you were a woman, Ellen?
36:01.73
Ellen Frazier
I know that we hit on this a little bit in our earlier conversation about some challenges that comes up specifically in the financial industry, being a male dominated industry and being a woman.
36:13.87
Ellen Frazier
um You know, there are definitely different times in my life that I look back that there was an inappropriate behavior in the workplace. And unfortunately, that’s just a part of our narrative, right? That was a part of our story. But there’s a huge shift around that.
36:28.37
Ellen Frazier
And I think that we’re seeing it now.
36:28.52
Lorie Jones
Yeah.
36:30.51
Ellen Frazier
self-employed today, so I no longer work in an environment where I would be subjected to that kind of behavior in the daily nine to five grind work environment. However, it still exists, right? There’s still some discrimination and there is still, you know, it’s just still there. Let’s just say that. Right.
36:51.27
Ellen Frazier
So my advice to any young woman that may be met with that type of behavior is that it’s like we always have to work just a little bit harder, right?
37:06.59
Ellen Frazier
We have to work a little bit harder. We have to stay a little bit later. We’ve got to submit our projects a little bit sooner. You know, the the life of the overachiever, we we recognize that the cards may be not stacked perfectly in our favor.
37:23.25
Ellen Frazier
So we have to overachieve in order to just succeed or just meet the mark.
37:29.97
Lorie Jones
Yeah.
37:32.50
Ellen Frazier
um That’s the behavior that we’ve had to really do over the past in my career. And Lori, you’re shaking your head. So I’m assuming that that’s also something similarly that you have experienced.
37:40.08
Lorie Jones
yeah
37:45.42
Ellen Frazier
As women reach more roles of leadership, that shift in that dynamic is changing. And I feel like create that we are creating safer work environments.
37:59.70
Ellen Frazier
I don’t know. I mean, do you do you feel like that’s happening to that shift? I mean, I could sit here and say, was I you know overlooked for a promotion? Yeah, probably. Right.
38:10.19
Ellen Frazier
And, you know, how many times do we let that happen before we take our own power back and just go into business for ourselves? And that’s kind of what happened in my case. I’m not going to say that I chose to go into business for myself because of discrimination by men in the industry. That is not at all true.
38:24.98
Ellen Frazier
But what is true is that I had to believe that I was powerful enough to be a woman in leadership and to be a business owner.
38:25.24
Lorie Jones
Yeah. Yeah.
38:33.64
Lorie Jones
yeah
38:34.16
Ellen Frazier
That’s probably where the shift needs to happen. Believing in ourselves enough, right? And having confidence within ourselves that we could be in leadership, that we could be in rooms with six, seven, eight you know, figure income earners and that we could be those earners ourselves.
38:51.69
Ellen Frazier
Right. Like, I think the shift is happening with us being more confident and standing in our power.
38:52.52
Lorie Jones
yeah
38:57.21
Ellen Frazier
That’s the real shift.
38:58.56
Lorie Jones
Yeah, I agree. And I’d add to that, that I think that um having more examples, women mentors, examples of women who have been successful in those spaces um and and and showing us that it’s possible, you know, what’s possible, what we can do um has been truly transformational.
39:14.57
Ellen Frazier
yeah
39:19.77
Lorie Jones
I feel like um we’re seeing people that look like us in finance and in and all those, those aerospace, you know engineering, a lot of those that are traditionally male dominated fields, we’re seeing a lot more women and they’re they’re willing to share their experiences.
39:40.08
Ellen Frazier
you You hit the nail on the head. Having female mentors is huge. And because you mentioned Megan, I’m just going to bring up Funference. The first Funference that I went to, i was very new in my sobriety.
39:55.76
Ellen Frazier
I probably had the confidence of a hermit crab, a hard exterior that I freaking hid under. You know what I mean?
40:06.98
Ellen Frazier
And that first Funference, I got to meet women that were, like I said, six, seven, eight figure earners and business owners. And when you’re in a room with women that hold these high…
40:24.41
Ellen Frazier
you know, ah positions of leadership in C-suite or our business owners that are, you know, far outpacing anything that I ever thought that I could imagine for myself in a year.
40:36.70
Ellen Frazier
That was the shift. That was the switch. I had never met women like that before in my life. Now, I have a very strong independent background.
40:44.00
Lorie Jones
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
40:46.44
Ellen Frazier
role model of a mother who is highly educated, but she’s also a teacher, right? So think of like that type of salary. I’m looking at women millionaires.
40:58.25
Ellen Frazier
I’m sitting at a table with female millionaires. This is what I needed to see. This is what I needed to know what was possible. And that was just a few short years ago.
41:09.75
Ellen Frazier
I had to see that so I could be confident that I could be that.
41:14.69
Lorie Jones
here Yeah, a hundred percent. And that, and that confidence that’s that imposter syndrome goes away when you start seeing that there are successful women and, and hearing their stories and kind of watching what they do and, and emulating that.
41:30.17
Ellen Frazier
Right.
41:32.82
Lorie Jones
Yeah.
41:33.05
Ellen Frazier
Exactly. Absolutely. That is so important. And so, you know, I know maybe when we’re in high school and we see those things like, ah you know, women’s groups or whatever that that try to bring high school girls into them or whatever.
41:49.48
Ellen Frazier
All I have to say is maybe back then I probably looked at that and was like, oh, what’s this hokey thing? I don’t know. Maybe it’s something my mom wanted me to do. Do it because you’re going to see women who are being successful.
42:01.72
Ellen Frazier
So if anything, this is empowering me just to reach out more to to young women in my own community and just showing them what’s possible.
42:09.34
Lorie Jones
Yeah, I love that. I love that because that that perpetuates the cycle. That helps them to move ahead where they’re at in their space, and then they can reach out and pay it forward to the next generation. I love that.
42:24.32
Lorie Jones
Ellen, what is the thing that you are most proud of?
42:29.41
Ellen Frazier
I’m most proud of my sobriety. I’m most proud of the courage that it took to embark on that new journey and to find a new way of being at a later age in life.
42:44.58
Ellen Frazier
And I’m proud of the path that that has taken me on to create our Booze Free Babes community, to create a supportive environment where we share the journey together, we share the load together, we share the burden together.
42:52.95
Lorie Jones
Mm-hmm.
43:02.44
Ellen Frazier
and we share resources and healing modalities. That’s the beauty because I don’t have all the answers and neither does the Booze Free Babes community, but what we can do is collectively come together and share what’s worked for us.
43:17.77
Ellen Frazier
And obviously, my My charge on that is subconscious integrative therapy, but there’s tons of resources out there for healing, right?
43:25.69
Lorie Jones
Yeah.
43:26.48
Ellen Frazier
Whatever that looks like for you and whatever is accessible for you, because there is an entry level commitment, right? Financial commitment to health, mental health, unfortunately, right?
43:36.10
Lorie Jones
Yeah.
43:37.79
Ellen Frazier
That’s a reality. And so whatever is available to you, whatever resources are available that you can afford, lean into them and start that journey.
43:39.11
Lorie Jones
I
43:48.87
Ellen Frazier
and see where that leads to you.
43:50.67
Lorie Jones
love it. Any advice for a young woman who’s just starting down this path that you’re already so successful at? Anything that you would tell her? Yeah.
44:03.40
Ellen Frazier
Besides take the trip to Europe, now
44:07.68
Ellen Frazier
I would absolutely I would say that if you could not lean into unhealthy behaviors like alcohol, I get it. We’re, you know, young budding women new to being out on our own. We’re outside of our parents’ control and we want to experience new things and everybody’s partying in college and we want to check that out.
44:33.87
Ellen Frazier
Just be smart and definitely be safe. That’s the biggest thing. safe. safe And if you’re seeing that maybe what started out as a fun weekend party thing starts to consume every day or takes over your collegiate goals, whatever that is.
44:55.73
Lorie Jones
Mm-hmm.
44:57.32
Ellen Frazier
maybe just be mindful or a little bit more aware in that moment and catch it before it goes too far. That would be my biggest recommendation. It’s your life, it’s your journey, and you are absolutely in control of it.
45:13.02
Ellen Frazier
And you can control the direction of it too. That’s probably the biggest piece of advice is recognizing that you are in control of your journey and you are in control of the next steps.
45:27.89
Ellen Frazier
So if you look around and you don’t like what you see, you absolutely have the power to change it and find out what resources you need to do exactly that.
45:39.57
Lorie Jones
I love it. Ellen, that is great advice. Thank you so much for spending some time with us today, sharing your journey, sharing your story. um I’ve really enjoyed it. If a young lady wants to get in touch with you and ask you questions, you know, how does she do that?
45:56.22
Ellen Frazier
EllenFraser.com has all of the information. That’s EllenFraser, F-R-A-Z-I-E-R.com. That’s going to take you to the Booze Free Babes community and everything that we do.
46:07.22
Lorie Jones
Perfect. Well, thank you so much for spending your time and sharing that really powerful story and just being so authentic with us. I really appreciate it, Ellen.
00:01.57
Lorie Jones
Good morning, fearless females. Thank you so much for joining us today. Today, we’re here with Ellen Frazier. She’s a mortgage broker and a recovery coach. And I’m really excited to hear Ellen’s story. I feel like um she’s got some really, um I don’t know, challenging circumstances that she’s been through in her career and her journey.
00:22.75
Lorie Jones
And I love that she’s going to share the experience, her experience and her wisdom with us. So thank you so much, Ellen, for joining us today. I appreciate that.
00:30.97
Ellen Frazier
Thank you for having me on the Fearless Females podcast. This is such an awesome experience. I’m looking forward to our journey together over the next few minutes.
00:42.54
Lorie Jones
So the very first question I always ask is, I’m a reader. i love any and all suggestions. What is your favorite
00:50.92
Ellen Frazier
Okay, so I have recently read a couple of books and I call it Quitlet. Actually, my friend Whitney kind of coined it as Quitlet, I guess. But um I love Quitlet, like Think Like a Woman, Naked Mind, those two I’ve read recently.
01:05.78
Ellen Frazier
um The book that I’m working on right now is Recovery with Yoga by Brian Hyman. And I’m actually teaching a yoga class around that text. So it’s a lot of it’s a lot of fun. That book is probably my favorite at the moment because I’m fully immersed in it.
01:23.19
Lorie Jones
Oh, I like that. And that’s one that you can like practice while you’re reading, right?
01:26.93
Ellen Frazier
Exactly. And it basically breaks it down to different themes like acceptance or courage or surrender and things like that. So as we’re going through the book, we get to navigate those different themes.
01:38.47
Ellen Frazier
So it’s pretty fun.
01:39.57
Lorie Jones
I like that idea. i have um I have someone that loves yoga. In fact, she’s training to be a yoga instructor. I’m gonna send that suggestion to her. So thank you.
01:50.28
Ellen Frazier
Please do. He’s such a great author and he just puts things into words in a way that we can understand it, you know, very clearly.
01:59.57
Lorie Jones
So tell me a little bit about your journey, Ellen. How did you get started? Where did you get? How did you get where you’re at today? And kind of what do you do? Just tell us a little bit about you.
02:09.00
Ellen Frazier
Okay, I’d love to. So I’m a mortgage broker and I’m recently adorned recovery coach. So I’m super excited about that new piece of my journey. I started out in the mortgage business way back in the early 2000s.
02:24.13
Ellen Frazier
um So I started when I was like 12 years old.
02:28.92
Ellen Frazier
Just kidding.
02:29.15
Lorie Jones
You knew what you wanted to be early.
02:30.99
Ellen Frazier
Right, exactly. So I’ve been doing the mortgage piece of it for quite a while, right? Over 20 years. ah That’s been an exciting roller coaster with all of the changes that we see in the marketplace and in, you know, just our political climate and everything. So I’ve seen a lot of ups and downs over that throughout my 20 year plus career.
02:52.07
Ellen Frazier
but a new thing that I’ve just added is my recovery coaching designation. i received that in February and I’m really excited about the direction that that’s going to take us. we We partnered with Favor Low Country Faces and Voices of Recovery and received the Certified Peer Support Specialist Certification so that I can continue to serve in my community. So I’m really excited about adding that piece to my career choice.
03:20.01
Lorie Jones
So you said you were a mortgage broker since you were 12. Like, is that really, did you go to school to like be a mortgage broker? Is there, is there a degree for that? Like, don’t know. Tell me.
03:29.74
Ellen Frazier
There’s definitely lots of education and continuing education every year, just like you. We have our continuing education that we have to do too. I started out with a bank originally.
03:41.38
Ellen Frazier
And so all of my training was through the bank at that time, which when you’re with a blin bank platform, you don’t require your own independent license. You can leverage their license.
03:52.25
Ellen Frazier
So I didn’t actually get my license going out on my own until 2016, believe it was.
03:59.63
Lorie Jones
Uh-huh.
03:59.80
Ellen Frazier
That’s when i decided to leave the bank environment and go with a retail lender and get fully licensed.
03:59.99
Lorie Jones
Uh-huh.
04:05.69
Ellen Frazier
So even that process has changed, I think, since then. So it’s been exciting, though, getting into it. I was recruited um fairly early out of college and That’s an interesting story, too, because I have an art degree and I was working with a design firm out of Greensboro, North Carolina at the time.
04:26.43
Ellen Frazier
And I was on the local Home Builders Association board. And one of the bankers on that board really liked the way that I packaged our sales packages for builders.
04:38.81
Ellen Frazier
And so he was like, you know, you’re really good at this and you’ve got great enthusiasm.
04:38.96
Lorie Jones
Mm-hmm.
04:41.85
Ellen Frazier
I think he’d be great at mortgages. I have to say, when he said that, I was like, why would I be great at mortgages? I’m having so much fun playing with all this art and colors and textures and different things. That’s really what my degree was based upon and background was in, right?
04:59.03
Ellen Frazier
And so I, you know how it goes. One day I just got fed up at my job and I was like, you know what? I’m going to call that guy and see what mortgage is all about. And I’m glad I made that call because it’s definitely been such a huge part of my life ever since.
05:13.21
Lorie Jones
Mm hmm. That’s so interesting because mortgage broker and art ah really are like diametrically opposed. There’s like art is creative and all that sort of stuff. And mortgage broker is numbers and, and, you know, all the things that I love, those spreadsheets, stuff like that. So that’s, that’s really interesting that he saw that in you and that, and that not only did he see you see it in you, but you like, you continue down that path for years and years and years.
05:42.00
Ellen Frazier
You know, I think that what has allowed me to continue to lean into both sides, numbers and creativity, is probably the Booze Free Babes community that we’ve recently built within the past couple of years.
05:54.28
Ellen Frazier
That allows me to play into my creativity, to build that community and to lean on those women. And then we get to have so much fun doing all kinds of creative events.
06:05.73
Ellen Frazier
And that fuels me, right? Like we have to still have that creative outlet that fuels us.
06:07.96
Lorie Jones
yeah
06:11.54
Ellen Frazier
So that portion fuels me.
06:11.49
Lorie Jones
Yeah.
06:13.77
Ellen Frazier
And then, you know, I can, I’m all filled up when I go to work as a mortgage broker in the morning because of all the fun, yummy stuff we get to do with the babes.
06:21.95
Lorie Jones
I see that. Like you, sometimes you, you can’t put every every every piece of you into your career because there just isn’t enough space for it maybe. But if you find a passion like my fearless females.
06:37.00
Lorie Jones
You know, I found a passion that kind of um connects with that and and allows me that creativity in order to express myself.
06:37.72
Ellen Frazier
All right.
06:45.23
Lorie Jones
I love that idea. And what got you into the recovery? How come you got licensed as a recovery coach? Like what, what drove that?
06:54.21
Ellen Frazier
I will say that, you know, being a mortgage broker and being in that line of work, and I don’t know if you’ve seen something similarly with financial advisors, but it is a high stress position and there is a lot of substance use disorder within that industry.
07:13.46
Lorie Jones
Mm-hmm.
07:13.52
Ellen Frazier
And so i too had leaned in into some unhealthy behaviors. And when the pandemic hit, I think that’s when it really came to head. You know, we’re working at home, we’re working at home with our spouses.
07:27.99
Ellen Frazier
A lot of us were homeschooling at the same time that we’re trying to keep our, you know, careers going. And we’re all in this digital environment where we’re you know, siphoning all the Wi-Fi and bandwidth and, you know, we had to upgrade all of that.
07:42.60
Ellen Frazier
So it was a really stressful time for all of us. Right. Like I i think we all shared in that collective stress. And so I leaned heavily into maybe less supportive behaviors during that timeframe too. So around 21, 22, that’s when I started my sober curious journey.
08:00.28
Ellen Frazier
And then I committed to full sobriety at the end of 22.
08:00.43
Lorie Jones
Mm-hmm.
08:02.68
Ellen Frazier
I committed to living a life completely without alcohol and abstaining from that. you and that And I’ve continued that journey. on into today. So I’m in actually my third year of sobriety.
08:14.89
Ellen Frazier
And that has brought so much growth personally first, which obviously impacted my professional career.
08:27.11
Ellen Frazier
And I’m so much more excited about my career today because of that sober journey. I feel like leaning into that journey has allowed me to lean into my life more, if that makes sense.
08:44.16
Lorie Jones
Oh, yeah, that makes it does make sense because you’re fully engaged in it. You’re not um you know, trying to do too much and using, like you said, sometimes unhealthy coping mechanisms in order to get all that you you feel like you need to do done. Right.
08:59.47
Ellen Frazier
I love how you said that I’m just leaning into my life more. That’s right. I’m being fully present in my life. And that is so much fun and so exciting. And so if anybody listening to this, here’s that part of the message. It’s so worth it.
09:17.19
Lorie Jones
I love it. So what is the best investment you’ve made in your yourself? If you could look over your whole journey, like what is the best thing you’ve done um that if you you could go back and look at it, you’re like, oh my gosh, I’m so glad I did that.
09:31.64
Ellen Frazier
subconscious integrative therapy.
09:33.67
Lorie Jones
Okay. Talk to me about that.
09:34.46
Ellen Frazier
I know the answer to that right off the top of my head. Subconscious integrative therapy.
09:38.32
Lorie Jones
All right.
09:39.94
Ellen Frazier
i had I was listening to a podcast during the pandemic and it was a podcast of a business referral partner. And so I was really leaning into what they were saying. And if you remember, it seems like podcasts really took off during the pandemic because everybody had this extra you know time and bandwidth. They wanted to just listen and be outside of themselves, I guess.
10:02.19
Ellen Frazier
So we, I listened to that podcast and I heard who is now my therapist.
10:02.15
Lorie Jones
Yeah.
10:07.72
Ellen Frazier
I heard her on the podcast, Ellie Richter shout out. Anyway, um I had called the host of the podcast. I reached out to her and I said, i didn’t quite catch the contact information on the episode. Can you please share that with me? Who was that that you were interviewing?
10:27.59
Ellen Frazier
She had sent me the information and it still took me probably nine months to actually make the call.
10:33.76
Lorie Jones
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
10:34.02
Ellen Frazier
I knew that I needed something different in my life. I knew I needed a shift. I knew I needed change. And we’re all experiencing a global pandemic together. We probably all felt like we needed some sort of change in our lives, right?
10:49.73
Ellen Frazier
Because there had been so much disruption. And so I had made the phone call. And in that first call, I knew that that was the right thing. methodology or practice for me, right?
11:03.39
Ellen Frazier
Like I knew that that was going to be the part of the healing journey that I needed the most.
11:03.35
Lorie Jones
Mm-hmm.
11:07.02
Ellen Frazier
And so I still work with her today. We’ve been working together now for, well, I guess we’re in our fourth year now of working together and it’s great. She’s, she’s my touchstone. She’s my sounding board.
11:20.37
Ellen Frazier
You know, i feel like when you engage in subconscious integrative therapy, what happens is you reprogram those beliefs that you have that maybe are not so supportive.
11:33.29
Ellen Frazier
So for example, I’m not worthy.
11:34.74
Lorie Jones
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
11:35.67
Ellen Frazier
That may be a belief that I have. Well, let’s shift that and replace it with the belief that I am worthy. I am valuable, right? And once you do that, you see that belief play out throughout your entire life.
11:51.48
Ellen Frazier
So for example, if we made a shift around a traumatic experience that I had in my teenage years, it’s interesting how the way that you think and feel about that experience plays out at the age of 15, 20, 30, 40, and so on.
12:09.94
Ellen Frazier
So the way that I feel or think about an event also changes throughout the different milestones in my life. And so then you start to see this beautiful ripple effect happen.
12:22.08
Ellen Frazier
throughout your entire life. That’s the beauty of subconscious integrative therapy, and I highly recommend it for everyone.
12:29.07
Lorie Jones
it sounds like it would be a really interesting um younger because then do you take those like those experiences you’ve had and it changes the way that you react to them, like through your thirties and forties and fifties. And.
12:45.02
Ellen Frazier
Exactly. That’s exactly it.
12:46.84
Lorie Jones
Well.
12:46.94
Ellen Frazier
That reflex muscle has been exercised, right? And so now it can work in a different way. And so i feel like what happens is that we have peace and non-attachment to the event, whatever traumatic event it was.
12:54.18
Lorie Jones
hmm.
13:02.03
Ellen Frazier
And then when you have peace and non-attachment, see how that plays out in the rest of your life. It’s really quite beautiful.
13:07.87
Lorie Jones
Oh, that’s cool. And, and I do, i I was really resonating with what you were saying about like being in the middle of the pandemic. We were all kind of put, I am an introvert.
13:18.83
Lorie Jones
I’m actually not extroverted at all. And it was so much self-reflection and thinking for me. I’m like, I need people. It just, you really do. You get even an introvert, you know, you get kind of lonely and like,
13:33.39
Lorie Jones
Like, yeah and you have a whole lot of time to think about your life. Think about what you’re doing with your life and what you want to be doing with your life. And are you doing enough? And then on top of that, you’ve got, yeah you’re working with this your spouse. In fact, i had, i have five kids and they were all home during the pandemic.
13:52.37
Lorie Jones
I had everyone doing school or work in a different room in the house. And, um, You know, like just getting down to the kitchen to get food was like thing. So so I see what you’re talking about. Like, that’s a place where you can really start thinking about am I, you know, it it feels both chaotic.
14:14.87
Lorie Jones
And simple in terms of trying to decide what you want to do next.
14:21.29
Ellen Frazier
You know, also too, i think during the pandemic, because we had that time on our hands, it was an opportunity to look at things differently. And during that timeframe, being in mortgage, as you probably know, our interest rates were like historically low, right? So we were exploding with business, which is a beautiful thing.
14:42.49
Ellen Frazier
My husband’s a realtor, so we work a lot together, but that extra work on top of that extra stress isn’t always the perfect recipe, right?
14:52.96
Ellen Frazier
And so during that time frame, leaning into those unhealthy behaviors and shining a spotlight on it because we could because of COVID, that’s really the, um I guess, tipping point that I needed, right, to be able to choose something differently for myself.
15:11.75
Lorie Jones
yeah i like that i like that thought
15:13.09
Ellen Frazier
And there’s great courage in that, right? There’s great courage. And I think that’s really the purpose of your podcast, Fearless Females. Like we want to talk about or speak to that courage because it does take great courage to one, recognize a behavior within ourselves that maybe we’re not that crazy about. Like, why do I show up this way? Why do I react that way?
15:33.72
Ellen Frazier
You know, it’s really beneficial to just take pause and ask that question. Why do we do that? Why do we react that way? And then lean into the answer. That’s where, That’s where the real work happens.
15:44.87
Lorie Jones
Yeah, that’s where the fearless part comes in, where the part where you’re like, I’m scared.
15:47.07
Ellen Frazier
Right.
15:48.63
Lorie Jones
Can I really do this? Can I really change? Can i but I want to try. I’m going to try. Yeah, I love that. Ellen, what is the worst advice someone gave you? Have you ever gotten really bad advice and did you take it
16:03.13
Ellen Frazier
Wow. um You know, i was nervous about this question because, of course, you know, I want to stand in my power and say that every life experience that I’ve had has brought me to this point, whether it was great advice or bad advice.
16:20.57
Ellen Frazier
What I would say though, to the listener as a young budding fearless female, what I would say is when it comes to your career,
16:33.32
Ellen Frazier
Be very mindful about the direction that you want it to take and what you want that to look like. I feel like there have been times in my career, and especially as a female in the financial industry, which is, i think that we’re seeing a huge spike in women now, like coming into the roles of leadership, but that wasn’t always the case for us in our, maybe when our career started, right?
16:45.49
Lorie Jones
Mm-hmm.
17:00.03
Ellen Frazier
so My advice would be, or i would just say, choose your own path and find your path to greatness as quickly as you possibly can and lean heavily in your zone of genius.
17:14.94
Ellen Frazier
um The reason why I say that is because in my career, I’ve probably been given advice that took me down a path that maybe wasn’t, that I didn’t really need to go. and don’t know if I needed to make that left-hand turn to management and then
17:25.25
Lorie Jones
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
17:28.71
Ellen Frazier
you know, a non-producing manager where I turned away my clients. You know what I mean? That was, I did take on a management position one time, a leadership role that did require me to become ah non-producing manager. And so I had to turn over my book of business.
17:43.69
Ellen Frazier
And that was something that, as you know, turning over your book of business is like turning over your livelihood. And so, you know, ever since leaving that business, position, I’ve had to really, you know, work on growing that B.O.B. back.
18:00.20
Ellen Frazier
And that is challenging as we all know, right? Growing that secure book of business and securing that book of business. So my suggestion would be think it all the way through and think it several years into the future, right?
18:14.22
Lorie Jones
Mm-hmm.
18:14.98
Ellen Frazier
Like if I take this new role, this new position today, what is that leading me to in the future? Is this a temporary stop or is this the end of the road?
18:26.04
Ellen Frazier
Right. And a lot of times I made moves thinking it was going to be the final stop. And now that I look back, I was just settling. So my biggest advice would be don’t settle.
18:40.99
Ellen Frazier
Keep going and keep pushing yourself forward. I don’t know if that really answers the question, but I think that it it alludes to the mistakes that I’ve made and how maybe someone could not make the same mistake.
18:49.18
Lorie Jones
yeah Yeah, exactly. And I like the way that you kind of phrase that to just sort of like think,
19:03.79
Lorie Jones
about what your future looks like before you make some of those decisions, because what’s best for you today, right now in this moment may not be best for three years down the road. And, and maybe get some advice from, but you know, like I always tell my daughter, I’m like, if you think she wants to go into psychology and I’m like, if you think you want to work with kids, like go talk to someone who actually does what you’re doing and see ah you know, what, what advice they’d have for you. So I like that idea of kind of like looking into the future, maybe getting a little bit of, ah flavor around what your futures could look like so that you can make a really good decision.
19:47.14
Ellen Frazier
And I think it’s always important to have an eye on that next step.
19:50.81
Lorie Jones
Hmm.
19:51.20
Ellen Frazier
What does it look like after this?
19:53.00
Lorie Jones
ah here Yeah. Yeah, it does. I probably live too much in the future and not enough in the present.
20:01.14
Lorie Jones
What about a situation in your life as you kind of look back over your journey and your career? Is there a situation that you’re like, oh, if I knew then what I know now, i would have done that differently.
20:13.54
Lorie Jones
Obviously, if we knew the same things, we would just probably do it the same way. But what if you had the benefit of the knowledge that you’ve got today? Would you go back and and change a situation and do it differently?
20:25.43
Ellen Frazier
You know, again, i have to lean on the fact that I wouldn’t want to change anything because it would not bring me to where I am today. And I know that the challenges that I faced in my career and over my life’s journey are definitely what led me to create Booze Free Babes and ah brought me to this point.
20:40.60
Ellen Frazier
So to say that I would change something would would say that I would change what I’m doing now. And I wouldn’t. However, i do have a perspective.
20:48.19
Lorie Jones
Mm-hmm.
20:51.24
Ellen Frazier
had I chosen… chosen healthier alternatives to soothe, like for self soothing, if I had chosen healthier alternatives, that may had given me a much easier life, right?
21:09.42
Ellen Frazier
Choosing to continue to drink after college, I feel like is where, you know, if there was one thing that I would have shifted, it would have been that behavior.
21:19.96
Ellen Frazier
And so being courageous enough to identify those behaviors early on and do something about it, that would be my recommendation.
21:33.31
Ellen Frazier
I don’t know if I was equipped With the tools then. Right. Well, obviously. Right. I mean, we’re not equipped until we are. And so if there’s something that you feel like within yourself that doesn’t align or doesn’t fit or doesn’t match your career path, vision, dream, whatever.
21:51.79
Ellen Frazier
Don’t be afraid to look at that now, because if you can grab a hold of that sooner, then it’s just going to help you propel further on your on your path.
21:59.39
Lorie Jones
Yeah, that’s interesting. I wonder if you could have caught it sooner, though. I mean, like, like you said, like, it’s really hard to go back and, and tell yourself, hey, well, it’s hard.
22:16.67
Lorie Jones
it’s hard to go back and just tell yourself that this, this, this isn’t serving you. So how, how would you have caught it sooner?
22:25.52
Ellen Frazier
You know, honestly, i think that the real question is, I love it when Gabor Matei, I don’t know if you follow him, but he has this quote, why the pain? Right. We have to ask ourselves why the pain like the choosing to lean into a behavior like alcohol.
22:41.32
Ellen Frazier
That is the solution. A lot of us find that that is the solution to the pain. Right. And so we have to address the pain.
22:46.54
Lorie Jones
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
22:48.35
Ellen Frazier
And I just don’t think that I had a clear pathway on how to do that until I did. And so, you know, when. I was in my 20s, it’s not like a lot of people spoke openly about therapy and going to therapy and continuing that in their journey. I think it’s so much more well received today.
23:10.71
Ellen Frazier
and also, dear dare I say this, but but women seem that they just have to have it all figured out and have their stuff together, right? Because we’re carrying the household, we’re carrying, you know, whatever we’re carrying, the kids, whatever, we’re carrying a lot. And so is there really room and time for us to care for ourselves too? The answer to that is yes, now I can look back and say that, but not at the moment.
23:34.48
Ellen Frazier
In the moment, right, we’re just dealing with what’s right in front of us.
23:34.58
Lorie Jones
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
23:38.63
Ellen Frazier
So I think there’s a narrative shift too in our culture that we have to fill up our cups before we can give for anyone else. And maybe that’s a shift that we see going forward. But if anything,
23:50.48
Ellen Frazier
lean into yourself and make sure yourself is good before you try to lean into anyone else. Because even today, noticed that my patients wear thin when I’m not taking care of myself.
23:56.60
Lorie Jones
and
24:03.86
Ellen Frazier
And so the The quickest way for me to kind of snap out of it is when I switch into, I call her Bitter Betty. When I flip into Bitter Betty, that’s when I know, okay, all right, let me pump the brakes.
24:12.85
Lorie Jones
Bye.
24:16.91
Ellen Frazier
I need to figure out where I’m not taking care of myself in another area.
24:21.72
Lorie Jones
Yeah. Oh, I love that. and And I think it’s so important for women. We do wear so many hats and we do so much. and um And I think that idea of i i think that the the women that I’ve had on my podcast and have have talked through their journeys, the ones that are probably the happiest and the most fulfilled are those that take deliberate time to fill their own cup, to to work on those things that um Or to or to give themselves that gift of of being um free to take care of themselves, of not of not you know worrying about other people’s needs before they’ve worried about their own.
25:03.39
Lorie Jones
do Do you see that?
25:05.42
Ellen Frazier
I agree. And even if that means like I get it, like we all have busy schedules, especially in the morning. We’re getting kids ready to go to school or whatever that might look like in your household with five kids. I’m sure it’s quite busy.
25:17.01
Ellen Frazier
So does that look like maybe we wake up 30 minutes earlier so we can just have that quiet time that we so desperately need to just connect, check in.
25:28.26
Ellen Frazier
Maybe that looks like, okay, I can’t squeeze in my workout. Do I need to wake up 30 minutes earlier? Now, listen, I get it. Today is the first day of daylight savings. So anybody waking up early today was not happening.
25:40.48
Ellen Frazier
I’m also guilty.
25:40.95
Lorie Jones
Mm-hmm.
25:42.09
Ellen Frazier
I hear it. But as we ease into the new daylight savings time and this, and sorry, I know that’s not evergreen content, but, you know, as we lean into daylight savings time And we identify where do we need a little bit more expansiveness in our day?
25:50.53
Lorie Jones
and
25:58.65
Ellen Frazier
Maybe that looks like waking up 30 minutes or an hour earlier, just so you get to start your day in a calm, peaceful way that gives you the bandwidth that you need to carry out the rest of the day.
26:11.25
Lorie Jones
Yeah.
26:11.44
Ellen Frazier
Go ahead and connect and be dialed in before the kids get up and start screaming for breakfast or before you have to wake them up. Right. Allow yourself that those few minutes in the morning.
26:19.77
Lorie Jones
yeah
26:22.23
Ellen Frazier
I think it makes a huge difference.
26:23.98
Lorie Jones
Yeah. And I think giving yourself permission to seek out alternative, you know, like ah counseling or therapy or um yoga classes or something, whatever fills your bucket, um giving yourself permission and time to really engage in those activities to make yourself whole.
26:43.86
Lorie Jones
I love that idea, Ellen. Thank you for bringing that up. That’s super smart.
26:48.04
Ellen Frazier
Thank you. Thank you. I do practice yoga often. And if I could do it every day, I absolutely would do it every day. I pretty much do it every day, but sometimes I need a break. But yoga is definitely a huge piece of this journey for me.
27:01.61
Ellen Frazier
I think if I. um By leaning into yoga and the principles of yoga and that philosophy, it’s helped me identify some of these pockets of time in my life where I could lean into self-soothing behaviors that allow me to to show up fully in other areas of my life when I need to.
27:22.27
Lorie Jones
Yeah. And that’s the other side of that. um Taking time to care for yourself allows you more be more Um, you know, in your life, because you’ve taken, you filled your own bucket first, and then you can show up for other people as well. I like that.
27:38.79
Lorie Jones
What, um, what about if you could go back and talk to yourself at the beginning of this journey 19, 20, 21, would you tell yourself, ellen
27:48.09
Ellen Frazier
I’m so glad that you brought this up because I was chatting with a friend literally yesterday and we were talking about this exact same thing. I had an opportunity to go to Europe when I was 19 and I actually did not take that opportunity because I was scared to travel internationally by myself, study abroad.
28:09.18
Ellen Frazier
I was just really scared to do all of that. Right. And i often look back now that I do have a lot more international connections and I travel abroad a lot more often now in my adult life.
28:21.40
Ellen Frazier
I look back and I wonder what would have been different had I leaned into that experience And so my biggest advice for anyone that’s like a young adult, you’re out on your own or maybe you’re in college or you’re experiencing those things, take it all in.
28:40.56
Ellen Frazier
find a way. There is a friend of mine that says she has a trust fund for adventure and she always trusts that the funds will appear for her next adventure.
28:54.79
Ellen Frazier
Now, I’m sure she has different strategies and how she does that, but isn’t it interesting, like whatever you focus on expands. So if there’s something That is like, wow, I wish I had the courage to do that.
29:09.46
Ellen Frazier
Just do it. Take the leap. don’t be ah Don’t be afraid. Just do the damn thing, whatever it is.
29:17.99
Lorie Jones
yeah
29:19.59
Ellen Frazier
Just do it.
29:21.17
Lorie Jones
I love that. I love that. Yeah. i And that’s the time to be a little bit fearless, isn’t it? When you’re young and you like, what’s the worst that’s going to happen? You have to, you know, work at McDonald’s for a little while to replenish your bank account, right? Yeah.
29:35.76
Ellen Frazier
You know, i was thinking about this literally yesterday as thinking about that missed opportunity to go to Europe. And it’s just so funny because now, of course, you know, we’ve got mortgages, we’ve got responsibilities. I had coffee, the girlfriend that I had coffee with yesterday, having this exact same conversation.
29:53.84
Ellen Frazier
Her son, similarly, i was like, you know, just do it. He has no responsibilities right now. He has no mortgage payment. and i don’t even think he had a car payment. I’m like, this is the time. You’re not going to get any other opportunity in your life when you have less attachments.
30:10.19
Ellen Frazier
Just do it.
30:10.34
Lorie Jones
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love that. I actually encouraged my youngest um graduated high school and went to Costa Rica to teach English for four, four months, four and a half months.
30:22.27
Lorie Jones
She wanted a bit of an adventure and I’m like, oh yeah, I’m said, take advantage, do it.
30:26.40
Ellen Frazier
So cool.
30:27.69
Lorie Jones
Yeah.
30:27.81
Ellen Frazier
That is so cool. Awesome.
30:30.21
Lorie Jones
um What scared you the most when you started down this journey and does it still scare you or did you figure out how to deal with it? Talk to me about that.
30:40.99
Ellen Frazier
I saw a post from a friend of mine this morning and and she was talking about this mantra, why not me? And I feel like it’s very fitting for this question.
30:52.35
Lorie Jones
Mm-hmm.
30:54.21
Ellen Frazier
When we reach a certain stage of of our development or emotional growth, I would say that there’s a flip that happens, right? That flip of why me to why not me?
31:09.57
Ellen Frazier
And that’s a beautiful place to be in because all of the possibilities in the world, remember when you were a kid and your parents were like, you could be anything that you want to be.
31:20.51
Ellen Frazier
They would tell us that, but they didn’t have the roadmap, right? Like you could be president of the United States if you wanted to be, but how do we get there? What’s that roadmap look like?
31:30.81
Lorie Jones
Mm-hmm.
31:31.02
Ellen Frazier
Right? So ah think when we can get to a place that we are confident enough within ourselves that we can say, why not me?
31:45.28
Ellen Frazier
We open ourselves up to the possibilities. And When I got sober, that was a very real conversation.
31:58.02
Ellen Frazier
Could I even do that? Could I commit to a life where I’m not leaning into these other vices? And then it was like, why not me?
32:08.21
Ellen Frazier
Other people do it. I see other people being successful in the sober space. I’m sure I could be successful too.
32:15.54
Lorie Jones
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
32:16.14
Ellen Frazier
And so when we flip that narrative of, you know, instead of why me, why why why, why, why, whatever, and flip it to why not me, then we really open ourselves up to all the possibilities.
32:28.09
Ellen Frazier
And so I would like to just encourage anyone to just kind of ruminate on those three words for a minute, why not me, and think about what could change.
32:41.34
Ellen Frazier
And so when I started the Booze Free Babes community, It grew overnight. it was during It was right before dry January and we just took off.
32:51.78
Ellen Frazier
And I was not prepared for that response.
32:54.06
Lorie Jones
but
32:54.26
Ellen Frazier
We started out as a very small Facebook group for a local community. And you hit one dry January and we exploded to the global stage.
33:04.92
Lorie Jones
Oh wow.
33:06.13
Ellen Frazier
he Right. And so I was like, I had no idea that this was going to happen. And I did not know what to do with it. And then ah had to shift my thinking on it.
33:17.64
Ellen Frazier
Like, okay, we’ve got something here. We really have something. And this is something I really want to lean into, but I have no idea what to do with it. And I still don’t know some days, right? But we’re we’re doing something.
33:29.27
Ellen Frazier
And that why not me really kicked in because why not me? Why can’t I have a successful podcast? Why couldn’t I have a successful community? Why why not have a membership based group coaching program?
33:46.96
Ellen Frazier
We can do all of these things and I can still have my business too. So why not me?
33:54.39
Lorie Jones
I love that. I really do like that theory. Like, why not me? Because as you, you know, as I have interviewed several different women, they’re all very successful and, and interesting, and they’ve all had their own challenges. And, and you do tend to look at though, and and look at that and say, she did it.
34:13.72
Lorie Jones
How come I couldn’t? Why not me? I love that. You know, like, like, does she, does she know, does she have a special superpower that I don’t have? Or could I do what she did if I, if I were willing to give it that effort? So I i love that, Ellen. I love that. I’m going to put that somewhere in my office.
34:31.76
Ellen Frazier
I got to add one more thing to that because I’m a member of a female entrepreneur group called the Dames and that group of women showed me what was possible, right?
34:44.70
Ellen Frazier
Because if I didn’t see other women mentors, then I would never know.
34:50.39
Lorie Jones
Mm-hmm.
34:52.19
Ellen Frazier
and so I’m not, you know, I’m not trying to promote that. I’m just saying, find women that are doing it and, Lean into those friendships.
35:03.94
Ellen Frazier
If you’re in a room where every single female is complaining and moaning and not reaching their goals, change rooms.
35:15.84
Ellen Frazier
When you change rooms, I promise you your life changes too.
35:21.05
Lorie Jones
Yeah. In fact, um Megan, the head of the dames is scheduled um not too long from now as our as one of our podcast guests. So and ah yeah, yeah.
35:29.81
Ellen Frazier
Oh, great. That’s so great.
35:32.59
Lorie Jones
yeah And I do love that idea of like finding like minded, finding your tribe, you know, wherever your tribe is. But those people that make you want to do better, be better, try harder.
35:43.36
Lorie Jones
um Those ones that give you the example and the mentorship of what could you do? What is possible? Yeah. And then ask that question. Why not me? She can’t.
35:52.25
Ellen Frazier
Right.
35:52.55
Lorie Jones
Why not me?
35:53.69
Ellen Frazier
Right. Exactly.
35:55.50
Lorie Jones
What about unique challenges? Did you face any unique challenges because you were a woman, Ellen?
36:01.73
Ellen Frazier
I know that we hit on this a little bit in our earlier conversation about some challenges that comes up specifically in the financial industry, being a male dominated industry and being a woman.
36:13.87
Ellen Frazier
um You know, there are definitely different times in my life that I look back that there was an inappropriate behavior in the workplace. And unfortunately, that’s just a part of our narrative, right? That was a part of our story. But there’s a huge shift around that.
36:28.37
Ellen Frazier
And I think that we’re seeing it now.
36:28.52
Lorie Jones
Yeah.
36:30.51
Ellen Frazier
self-employed today, so I no longer work in an environment where I would be subjected to that kind of behavior in the daily nine to five grind work environment. However, it still exists, right? There’s still some discrimination and there is still, you know, it’s just still there. Let’s just say that. Right.
36:51.27
Ellen Frazier
So my advice to any young woman that may be met with that type of behavior is that it’s like we always have to work just a little bit harder, right?
37:06.59
Ellen Frazier
We have to work a little bit harder. We have to stay a little bit later. We’ve got to submit our projects a little bit sooner. You know, the the life of the overachiever, we we recognize that the cards may be not stacked perfectly in our favor.
37:23.25
Ellen Frazier
So we have to overachieve in order to just succeed or just meet the mark.
37:29.97
Lorie Jones
Yeah.
37:32.50
Ellen Frazier
um That’s the behavior that we’ve had to really do over the past in my career. And Lori, you’re shaking your head. So I’m assuming that that’s also something similarly that you have experienced.
37:40.08
Lorie Jones
yeah
37:45.42
Ellen Frazier
As women reach more roles of leadership, that shift in that dynamic is changing. And I feel like create that we are creating safer work environments.
37:59.70
Ellen Frazier
I don’t know. I mean, do you do you feel like that’s happening to that shift? I mean, I could sit here and say, was I you know overlooked for a promotion? Yeah, probably. Right.
38:10.19
Ellen Frazier
And, you know, how many times do we let that happen before we take our own power back and just go into business for ourselves? And that’s kind of what happened in my case. I’m not going to say that I chose to go into business for myself because of discrimination by men in the industry. That is not at all true.
38:24.98
Ellen Frazier
But what is true is that I had to believe that I was powerful enough to be a woman in leadership and to be a business owner.
38:25.24
Lorie Jones
Yeah. Yeah.
38:33.64
Lorie Jones
yeah
38:34.16
Ellen Frazier
That’s probably where the shift needs to happen. Believing in ourselves enough, right? And having confidence within ourselves that we could be in leadership, that we could be in rooms with six, seven, eight you know, figure income earners and that we could be those earners ourselves.
38:51.69
Ellen Frazier
Right. Like, I think the shift is happening with us being more confident and standing in our power.
38:52.52
Lorie Jones
yeah
38:57.21
Ellen Frazier
That’s the real shift.
38:58.56
Lorie Jones
Yeah, I agree. And I’d add to that, that I think that um having more examples, women mentors, examples of women who have been successful in those spaces um and and and showing us that it’s possible, you know, what’s possible, what we can do um has been truly transformational.
39:14.57
Ellen Frazier
yeah
39:19.77
Lorie Jones
I feel like um we’re seeing people that look like us in finance and in and all those, those aerospace, you know engineering, a lot of those that are traditionally male dominated fields, we’re seeing a lot more women and they’re they’re willing to share their experiences.
39:40.08
Ellen Frazier
you You hit the nail on the head. Having female mentors is huge. And because you mentioned Megan, I’m just going to bring up Funference. The first Funference that I went to, i was very new in my sobriety.
39:55.76
Ellen Frazier
I probably had the confidence of a hermit crab, a hard exterior that I freaking hid under. You know what I mean?
40:06.98
Ellen Frazier
And that first Funference, I got to meet women that were, like I said, six, seven, eight figure earners and business owners. And when you’re in a room with women that hold these high…
40:24.41
Ellen Frazier
you know, ah positions of leadership in C-suite or our business owners that are, you know, far outpacing anything that I ever thought that I could imagine for myself in a year.
40:36.70
Ellen Frazier
That was the shift. That was the switch. I had never met women like that before in my life. Now, I have a very strong independent background.
40:44.00
Lorie Jones
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
40:46.44
Ellen Frazier
role model of a mother who is highly educated, but she’s also a teacher, right? So think of like that type of salary. I’m looking at women millionaires.
40:58.25
Ellen Frazier
I’m sitting at a table with female millionaires. This is what I needed to see. This is what I needed to know what was possible. And that was just a few short years ago.
41:09.75
Ellen Frazier
I had to see that so I could be confident that I could be that.
41:14.69
Lorie Jones
here Yeah, a hundred percent. And that, and that confidence that’s that imposter syndrome goes away when you start seeing that there are successful women and, and hearing their stories and kind of watching what they do and, and emulating that.
41:30.17
Ellen Frazier
Right.
41:32.82
Lorie Jones
Yeah.
41:33.05
Ellen Frazier
Exactly. Absolutely. That is so important. And so, you know, I know maybe when we’re in high school and we see those things like, ah you know, women’s groups or whatever that that try to bring high school girls into them or whatever.
41:49.48
Ellen Frazier
All I have to say is maybe back then I probably looked at that and was like, oh, what’s this hokey thing? I don’t know. Maybe it’s something my mom wanted me to do. Do it because you’re going to see women who are being successful.
42:01.72
Ellen Frazier
So if anything, this is empowering me just to reach out more to to young women in my own community and just showing them what’s possible.
42:09.34
Lorie Jones
Yeah, I love that. I love that because that that perpetuates the cycle. That helps them to move ahead where they’re at in their space, and then they can reach out and pay it forward to the next generation. I love that.
42:24.32
Lorie Jones
Ellen, what is the thing that you are most proud of?
42:29.41
Ellen Frazier
I’m most proud of my sobriety. I’m most proud of the courage that it took to embark on that new journey and to find a new way of being at a later age in life.
42:44.58
Ellen Frazier
And I’m proud of the path that that has taken me on to create our Booze Free Babes community, to create a supportive environment where we share the journey together, we share the load together, we share the burden together.
42:52.95
Lorie Jones
Mm-hmm.
43:02.44
Ellen Frazier
and we share resources and healing modalities. That’s the beauty because I don’t have all the answers and neither does the Booze Free Babes community, but what we can do is collectively come together and share what’s worked for us.
43:17.77
Ellen Frazier
And obviously, my My charge on that is subconscious integrative therapy, but there’s tons of resources out there for healing, right?
43:25.69
Lorie Jones
Yeah.
43:26.48
Ellen Frazier
Whatever that looks like for you and whatever is accessible for you, because there is an entry level commitment, right? Financial commitment to health, mental health, unfortunately, right?
43:36.10
Lorie Jones
Yeah.
43:37.79
Ellen Frazier
That’s a reality. And so whatever is available to you, whatever resources are available that you can afford, lean into them and start that journey.
43:39.11
Lorie Jones
I
43:48.87
Ellen Frazier
and see where that leads to you.
43:50.67
Lorie Jones
love it. Any advice for a young woman who’s just starting down this path that you’re already so successful at? Anything that you would tell her? Yeah.
44:03.40
Ellen Frazier
Besides take the trip to Europe, now
44:07.68
Ellen Frazier
I would absolutely I would say that if you could not lean into unhealthy behaviors like alcohol, I get it. We’re, you know, young budding women new to being out on our own. We’re outside of our parents’ control and we want to experience new things and everybody’s partying in college and we want to check that out.
44:33.87
Ellen Frazier
Just be smart and definitely be safe. That’s the biggest thing. safe. safe And if you’re seeing that maybe what started out as a fun weekend party thing starts to consume every day or takes over your collegiate goals, whatever that is.
44:55.73
Lorie Jones
Mm-hmm.
44:57.32
Ellen Frazier
maybe just be mindful or a little bit more aware in that moment and catch it before it goes too far. That would be my biggest recommendation. It’s your life, it’s your journey, and you are absolutely in control of it.
45:13.02
Ellen Frazier
And you can control the direction of it too. That’s probably the biggest piece of advice is recognizing that you are in control of your journey and you are in control of the next steps.
45:27.89
Ellen Frazier
So if you look around and you don’t like what you see, you absolutely have the power to change it and find out what resources you need to do exactly that.
45:39.57
Lorie Jones
I love it. Ellen, that is great advice. Thank you so much for spending some time with us today, sharing your journey, sharing your story. um I’ve really enjoyed it. If a young lady wants to get in touch with you and ask you questions, you know, how does she do that?
45:56.22
Ellen Frazier
EllenFraser.com has all of the information. That’s EllenFraser, F-R-A-Z-I-E-R.com. That’s going to take you to the Booze Free Babes community and everything that we do.
46:07.22
Lorie Jones
Perfect. Well, thank you so much for spending your time and sharing that really powerful story and just being so authentic with us. I really appreciate it, Ellen.
46:16.45
Ellen Frazier
Thank you so much for having me, Lori. I’ve had so much fun. And to all those fearless females out there, just keep going. i promise it gets, it’s so, so worth it. And it’s so yummy.