By Lorie Jones, Fearless Financial Advisor
I just finished reading a great book called The Wife Drought by Annabel Crabb, and I’ve got to admit, I kinda wish I had a wife.
Apparently, a wife is this magical creature who takes care of everything domestic, keeps the kids fed and healthy, handles every appointment (doctor, dentist, or repairman), and is endlessly emotionally supportive while holding down a full-time job.
Wait a minute… that sounds familiar.
Even if you have a partner, multiple studies show that women still shoulder more than 60% of household tasks and nearly 75% of the “mental load.” You know, that endless list running on a loop in your brain: pick up milk, RSVP to the school email, text your mom, reschedule the dentist, oh, and don’t forget the 401(k) contribution deadline.
And it’s not just at home. Crabb notes that men in leadership often have “wives,” literal or figurative, people at home (or in the office) ensuring they’re supported, fed, and free to focus on conquering the world. Women, on the other hand, are expected to do it all and maintain a sunny, smiling, “nice” personality, without ever letting it show how heavy it all feels.
Have you ever wondered why you are so exhausted?
If you’ve ever wondered why you’re exhausted all the time, it’s not just the meetings or the deadlines. It’s the invisible weight of thinking about everything for everyone, all the time.
You’re not bad at balance. You’re not failing. You’re multitasking at an Olympic level and doing it without a support team.
At Fearless Financial, we see this every day. Brilliant, capable women who believe they’re “behind” financially or professionally, when in reality they’re managing more moving parts than most project teams. They don’t need a more efficient process. They need a bigger bench.
It’s time to start setting some of that burden down and let others share the load. Maybe that means asking for help a few hours a week, or finding small ways to take something off your plate. Could someone else handle the errands, the calendar chaos, or the laundry mountain? Could you trade tasks with your partner or simplify a few routines? You don’t have to do everything yourself . Sometimes the smartest investment you can make is buying back your own time.
Success isn’t about spinning all the plates. It’s about deciding which plates actually matter.
In her book, Crabb writes that men rarely face the “How does he do it all?” question because no one assumes they should. They have a wife for that. Women, on the other hand, are constantly juggling career ambition alongside invisible (and often self-inflicted) expectations of caretaking, emotional support, and constant competence. And when we can’t meet that impossible standard, which no mere mortal can, we feel like failures.
What if we got intentional about letting things go? What if we built lives that protect our energy instead of draining it, lives that fuel us rather than flatten us? Imagine treating your time, energy, and peace of mind like the valuable assets they are, right alongside your investment accounts.
We don’t have to do it all or say yes to everything.
Every yes comes with a price — time, energy, presence, rest and those are the real currencies of the life you’re building.
I’ve always believed the Marie Kondo question works beautifully for your financial life: does it bring you joy? But what if we applied that same lens to everything else? If a task doesn’t add value or peace, maybe it’s time to let it go. Keep what fuels you, and delegate what drains you. Outsource it, trade with your partner, or empower your kids to step up. (Full disclosure: I haven’t done laundry in 12 years — I despise it — but David hasn’t meal-planned once, I’m not even sure he knows there is such a concept, so I’d call that a fair trade.)
Here is the important part, the guilt has to go.
Who told you it was your responsibility to keep every plate spinning, laundry, dinner, PTA events, a 50-hour workweek, and a perfect social life? They were wrong.
So this week, give yourself permission to do one radical thing. Drop a plate. Ask for help. Take something off your list. The world will keep spinning, I promise.
And when you do, remind yourself that your value isn’t measured by how much you can carry while keeping a smile on your face. It’s measured by how much of your life actually feels like yours.
At the end of the day, you’re not behind. You’re simply carrying a load most people never see. It’s time to stop doing it alone. Share it.
You don’t need to prove you can do it all. You just need someone to remind you that you don’t have to.
